Life Archives - by nikhil bhatla

omar - Feb 11, 2016, 12:07p
that's a pretty remarkable conclusion based on this paucity of facts. might what you did at stanford, google and mit say something about whether you've changed or not? or are those just jobs, like F work man am i right?

also, i never knew about the vacuum cleaners. i must've missed that post. when i change the settings now, in chrome, and click the button, the vacuums don't start up. you might want to fix that, or mark the page deprecated.

glad to see you writing again

Nicky - Feb 11, 2016, 2:04p
so fun to read. Also, that baby is so lucky to have such an interesting and loving person as a father.

nikhil - Feb 14, 2016, 11:28a
see omar, even after all the years, you still read my blog!!! what more proof do you need that nothing has changed :)

sure, my interests have varied - stanford was all about learning how to code and do product design, google was executing with those skills, and mit was about learning neuroscience and trying to figure out a way to study the mechanism of consciousness. so the transition from consumer product design to neuroscience is vast, yet i still sit here, with my unstructured time, doing more or less the same thing.

omar, because you asked, i've fixed the vacuum cleaners to properly restart when you click the button, after the game has finished. that was actually an old bug that i just never fixed.

Neha - Feb 15, 2016, 9:26a
What books did you read about money? I'm also interested in money, since I've been learning about Bitcoin. Also, how did you decide on that Coursera class?

nikhil - Feb 15, 2016, 10:17p
Neha!

I finished reading "Money - An unauthorized biography" a few weeks ago, and am going at "The Empire of Value" right now. The second one is a translation from French, and it's much less clear than the first. I got a lot of good ideas out of the first book, and I'm planning to blog about both soon.

The Coursera class was recommended to me by a stranger who contacted me about C. elegans stuff. We chatted on the phone and realized we were also both interested in economics, and he had listened to those lectures and recommended it. I am on lecture 6 now - so far it is really a class less about money and more about banking, which is interesting in its own right. It's amazing how we are able to use so many things without needing to understand how any of them work.

The Real Nikhil - Feb 21, 2016, 5:52p
hi, I really want to have the username @nikhil on twitter, is it possible for you to change it so I can have your @? I will pay if necessary

nikhil - Feb 24, 2016, 10:11p
How much will you pay for the handle? I have gotten many other nikhils already asking for it too.

Andy Tovar - Apr 1, 2015, 5:06p
I like it. Is this about you? If it is about you - not to worry - I'll call an Uber for you.

Anon, Mumbai/UK/Earth - Apr 4, 2015, 5:08p
Hey Nikhil,
Great post. I always look forward to your posts say every 6 months or so. Have distantly known you since your google days through niniane's blog and your mit decision was interesting. The follow up and may more years will be even more, i bet.
Without sugeesting anything or sounding condescending, i guess the post above could be anything; an excerpt from a movie script, a short story , anything. Could be what you felt that moment.
A lot of geniuses feel that way ; of lost opportunities , in comparison. However, a genius finds his own way. After all success can never be defined. Even monetary.
Good luck to you , always and you know this better, there are loads in the same bandwagon as you and everyone shall find his/her way in the end.

Charles Robinson - Oct 10, 2015, 12:02a
For two decades I had a recurrent dream. I had missed the plane or missed the boat, or, most frequently, missed the train.

I haven't gotten any tracktion.

I'm in my fourth quarter century. Still, maybe there will be another train. Or maybe I'll try walking the tracks alone.

Jessica - Oct 31, 2010, 12:38p
I like what you said about not being able to separate out this single piece of survival school, and orphan it from everything else. I think some things are meant to be experienced in their entirely and their power and their magic comes from their wholeness.

To use your dessert-baking as an example, I don't think you would get 10% of the enjoyment of eating a cookie by ingesting 1 1/4 tsp of baking soda. You need all the parts. You need to put them in a ridiculously hot oven and let convection sort them out.

See you in the desert,
Jessica

P.S. I think perhaps you CAN get 50% of the enjoyment of the cookie from eating the chocolate chips alone...so please keep looking into the molecular basis of the magic...

Connie - Mar 26, 2011, 6:52p
I just read Unbroken. You need to read this book. Great story.

I'm glad you stopped the fasting - it sounds like you experienced the mental clarity because you were starting to waste away (die?) from hunger. There's some interesting stuff about this in the book. Um, please don't do that again...

Hope you and B are doing well :)

Yu-li - May 31, 2011, 9:45a
Oh, it's an interesting story. I read blog entries about your experience on X, and some thoughts passed through my mind:

1. You can refer to the neuroscientific definition of comfort. I cannot remember it correctly, but it was like "no signals" from sensors. As you were thinking too much (you were analysing your experience), there could be a lot of signals in your nervous system.

2. Comfort (even though X is not just comfort) is influenced by expectation on comfort.

3. If it is about blood sugar level, more physical labor could help. (I had an experience that food tasted really wonderful after hard physical labor.)

4. Experience is also about control. Your sense of control could make you feel less thankful to the food.

Any way... I envy your experience about X.

omar - Aug 9, 2010, 8:52a
or maybe you can accept that you may never feel X again, but you move forward and you'll feel Y, which is part of you growing into the next you.

dude i'm at Z. get on the bus.

Charlene - Aug 10, 2010, 3:34p
You are definitely a "seeker!"
Looking forward to hearing about the "results." I appreciate Omar's comment and ask, "What's after Z??"
My experience is that transformation occurrs when I'm least expecting it... and when 'trying' to recreate a similar, let alone exact, experience I'm way too much in my head to have even a glimmer of it.
I believe efforting can be self defeating in the "X" feeling department....
Be gentle with your body it is the only one ya got, this time around!
Love being part of your journey!!

Jessica - Aug 13, 2010, 8:03a
I am in the BOSS trailer and we are all reading this together and discussing X.

Jeff the field director says he experiences "X" every time he comes back from the field. Jesse (head instructor) thinks you should take the Hunter Gatherer course. He and I both agree this is the most extreme experiencing of X upon return, but Jesse says he experiences X every time he returns from the field.

My head instructor Laurel, goddess of making students suffer is sitting next to me as I type.

"I want him on my course next year. Trust me. He'll experience X."

Jessica - Jul 31, 2010, 4:14p
I don't believe your four parts adequately delineate the factors contributing to X.

Survival school pushes one way past one's own personal psychological and physical limitations. I find that those who experience "X" are people who are coming from a place a far greater dependency on society. Those students that did a lot of wilderness training do not, in my opinion, experience X to the same degree. I think it is partially a matter of the brain being trained to realize that the "threats" we face in society are not real threats in the same way that they are in the field.

Carl Jung wrote about this in one of his early essays, I believe it is on the Stages of Life. He writes that when man's survival is at stake, his problems remain in the field of his existence. Once his survival is guaranteed, his problems move into the sphere of his psychology. People who are struggling to make ends meet do not suffer the same type of psychological ailments of those of the privileged classes. Also, I have never seen a non-privileged person sign up for survival school. I believe that the main contributing factor to "X" is the vacation it provides the psyche by moving one's sphere of problems outside the mind. It takes a period of time after the experience for the problems to move back into the sphere of the mind. During that period you are able to fully appreciate everything you do have and life seems a joy and completely easy. But man thrives on challenge, and you will slowly and by your own volition give up this vacation as you take on new problems.

I don't believe you will be able to achieve "X" with purely a dietary change or by limiting pleasure or by sociality isolating yourself, or by being miserable for a period of time.

I think the key contributing factor to "X" is being confronted with the basic problems of existence and not taking life for granted. It's hard to induce this on your own without a sense of falseness.

BillW - Sep 29, 2010, 12:33p
I doubt the diet will lead you to X as it cannot be attained. Have you tried meditation? If you were meditating during the 2 months following X, you may have been able to continue in the realization you had. Take a look at this article:
http://www.scribd.com/doc/33283952/How-Meditation-Works-by-Shinzen-Young-PhD

nikhil - Sep 29, 2010, 5:14p
I've tried meditation, ever since a field trip in 11th grade. I've tried several kinds, including mindfulness meditation. I am not very consistent with it, but I've found that the feeling I have during and after in no way compares to the feeling of X I describe above. Survival school is the only thing that has ever given me the feeling of X, and before survival school I didn't even know that it was possible for me or anyone to feel this way.

So overall I'm not a big fan of meditation. Seems like it works for some people, but it never really worked for me. One's reaction to survival school is also probably person-dependent.

BillW - Sep 29, 2010, 6:02p
Meditation is very difficult when its not easy, for me that's most of the time.

nikhil - Jun 7, 2011, 5:48p
I think this guy had a similar experience to what I experienced and now call "X":

http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/06/02/reprieve/

nikhil - Sep 5, 2018, 8:19p
Jessica, I have read your comment again about 8 years since you wrote it. Somehow, I am not on board.

When I was in survival school, I never once feared for my life. I never once thought I was going to die, or not make it. I was fully confident that I would survive. What struck me then, I think, is the deprivation from life's pleasures that I was forced to dehabituate from, a kind of "withdrawal" from being unconsciously dependent on modern comforts. I then habituated to the primitive life in survival school, which then sensitized me to the comforts of life in civilization. It was in fact when I no longer had the discomforts of survival school that I felt X.

I understand that if your are a more seasoned wilderness trekker, that it would not be as uncomfortable for you, and therefore it might contrast less with civilized living, and therefore the degree of X would be less. I think we at least agree on that.

Garry - Jul 6, 2008, 11:25a
I really enjoyed this. There's something about conversational style writing like this that is always incredibly approachable.

Anonymous - Jul 9, 2008, 1:29p
this is the best thing i've read in a while. seriously.

sam - Jul 9, 2008, 1:30p
i am additionally impressed by your ability to remember that whole conversation (what i am assuming is) pretty much word for word.

nikhil - Jul 9, 2008, 2:59p
yeah, I'm sure the conversation above is not super-accurate, but it was such an unusual conversation that i immediately started playing it back in my head when it was over.

Anonymous - Jul 25, 2008, 10:25a
I felt like i was right there, thanks for sharing. I like how you asked him what do you do and he said, I'm a Greek Macedonian. There's some hilarious truth to that statement.

Harpoon - Jul 25, 2008, 10:39a
The anonymous comment above is by Harpoon (just in case any Greek Macedonians want to join with any Aramean Syrians ;)

David - Oct 25, 2017, 12:23a
Not sure if I'm just reading this now or re-reading this now after 9 years. Either way, your ear for dialogue in this was spot on- whether accurate to the actual conversation or not- it was very believable and did the whole empathy/humor balance very well.

george - Jun 11, 2008, 12:45p
you are trying to hold and understand everything way to tight.

Buddy, you have got to just lighten up.

Could I make a simple suggestion?

Quit looking for some reason, ideal or whatever. Quit thinking so dern much!!!

Its time to just grind. Go towards the finish line for whatever that may be, graduate school completion....whatever.
and quit trying to figure out the why.
Trust me.

You want to know the answer to all the mystery. The answer "thinking man" is so simple I don't know if you'll ever stop to understand it instead of trying to analyze it.

The whole silly thing, creation, being, conciousness, human condition is all so simple. Its about family.

Love

the thing that God breathed into us that no other beast on the planet has.

Thats it, whole nine yards.

Everything else just is.

When you hold your first child, you will understand, when you fully understand what it means to not be first in any way, shape or form. That someone on the planet comes before you, your thoughts, your creative philosophical ramblings, every single time until they are no longer a cub.

You probably know it in a fashion with your mate, but you hold something back for you.

walk up to your home in the still of the night (winter is best), look through the window and see what you hold dear. That my friend is what it is ALL about. If there is no one in there?
Then you have something to dwell on.

Good luck my friend

Harpoon - Jul 25, 2008, 9:42a
If you want to ask me, you should practice Taiji, or more contemplative forms of motion. The exercise of focusing intently on following a physical pattern, i.e. no competitive or cognitive objective like traditional sports. It may sound ridiculous but the simple act of moving yourself through space will, through dedication, become a processes of renewal for you. I know it sounds like indoctrinated hogwash, but, then why does one assume that something seeming so simple such as relaxing should come so easily? It's a skill that takes a while to master, 2 - 3 years you can get some hang of it. Standing meditation is also an important exercise - it seems utterly futile to most people at first, but there is something going on worth studying. I believe if you want to study consciousness then why not keep a log and try to conduct experiments of such claims to compare with your own claims of "method to remove distractions"

Garry - May 25, 2008, 2:53p
What's your opinion of Csíkszentmihályi's work around flow? He seems to posit that perhaps flow is a desirable / good state, one that brings us a step closer to self actualization. But is that the same thing that you experience when studying hard or working hard, when consciousness gets traded?

nikhil - May 26, 2008, 12:13a
I read his "Flow" book a few years ago, but I think what I experience when studying is something a bit different.

What I experience is an absence.

You may experience something similar when you're giving a presentation. Esp. if you're a little nervous and you've practiced a lot, once you get into the preso, you may have a feeling that your words and movements are not in your control. Afterwards, you may even feel like you've "blacked out", because you have very little memory of exactly what you said and did. It just goes by in a blur, and like that <snap> it's over.

I think of flow as a different state, one where your level of perception and awareness is quite high, perhaps even peaking, while you're working or doing something else that has a clear path ahead. My problem sets often don't have a clear path ahead, instead being shots in the dark that hopefully eventually hit. So no, I wouldn't describe it as flow.

Flow may be a good state. But since it seems to require a clear path (in my experience), I question whether it's not just the easy road ahead. Perhaps shots in the dark, while uncomfortable and risky, are a better/more exciting/more unpredictable/higher pay-off, though rougher, avenue through the wilderness. But, depending on your persuasion, maybe such avenues are better avoided...

neha - May 30, 2008, 4:04p
how are things going now, nikhil? i think many grad students struggle with the balance of the rat race (need to have concrete accomplishments) and free time to think and explore. maybe you just need to find the way you work best -- if i left myself to go at my own pace, i wouldn't get anything done :) i've realized after the fact that when i've learned the most is when i felt like i was running on a hamster wheel. sometimes it's not a bad thing.

george - Jun 11, 2008, 12:24p
simplify,

problem is that when you look at things in an intellectual state, you are looking to solve something that may not be a mystery.

You've sat alone in the dessert, you already have the understanding and knowledge of what you seek. You have known conciousness.

Don't lose the forest because can't see past the trees.

Harpoon - Jul 25, 2008, 10:16a
I think you hit the nail on the head toward the end - Do you want to study consciousness or do you want to experience it? Perhaps to experience, we have to give up on studying it in a lab, and vice versa.

My rather unscientific views on consciousness are that you can only go a very short distance to study it in a lab, you can only pinpoint where it isn't. The brain is a physical object with physical properties and consciousness is metaphysical. That is to say even after you have fully documented neurons and their phenomena, you won't ever be able to describe in mathematic, linguistic, or biological terms something purely conceptual such as "love" , "pleasure" , or "suffering". It's like poking through the software for a game with a hex editor, and trying to locate where the "fun" is.

Furthermore, what if consciousness exists not as a process of the brain, but as function of interactions between individual and society? How can you ever hope to control what the environment has done to your subject, in a lab setting?

george - Jun 11, 2008, 12:14p
you have your priorities in order.

Life will be sweet.

Note - when we came in from final challenge hike, had quick gathering then straight on bus for Provo. They did stop for us in a grocery in the first town we hit, I think it was Boulder. LOL, our group was I think 36 total, turned loose in a grocery straight from the dessert. It was a sight, what those folks must have thought with such a band of stinking dessert refugees in awe, laughing and crying as we took it all in.

I don't think we had near the food rations you did. I am speculating about half from what I could calculate.
I went through in 1980 I think it was, may have been '79. Only pooped once at beginning.

They would issue seven squares of TP each week. I finished with mine.

But you had the full experience physically and mentally I believe, except for near death from thirst, and I don't wish that one on anybody, but boy it still leaves a mark. Wife still doesn't understand why I don't throw out old water in bottles, cups, etc. :-) says I'll drink anything.

well has been wonderful getting to know you. MAy your path be smooth and all down hill.

Will Ranney - Apr 4, 2010, 3:33p
Thank you for writing this. I'm going on the 28 day course in 68 days. Very excited for what I can learn.

cedric dahl - Jun 25, 2011, 10:33p
Wow... what an adventure.

Thanks soooooo much for posting this. I'll be following your footsteps in a few weeks... half excited... half terrified and will try to follow your good example and post a travel journel of the experience at LivingMore.com

Pip pip,
ced

nikhil - Aug 22, 2011, 3:42a
My good friend Niniane just completed the 7-day BOSS course and posted her journal online:

http://niniane.blogspot.com/search/label/survival-school

Luis - Oct 30, 2013, 3:55p
Great 28 days!..im going for the 14 in May-June 2014...how much weight you loss?

nikhil - Nov 12, 2013, 11:12p
I lost 20 lbs in 28 days (165 to 145).

Frank - Aug 22, 2022, 10:10p
Wonderful read! I just finished my 28 day 2 days ago and found your blog. So many similarities it's uncanny. I'd love to chat sometime.

Brian - Jan 24, 2008, 1:18a
So you were a Stanford student! Aha. I was suspecting so (the Google stuff... you mentioned Bob [the row house, I presume]...). I'm a Stanford undergrad now, a junior. It's weird and cool - yours is the only really personal account of a BOSS trip I've found, and it's been really illuminating and interesting to read (just found it by googling some BOSS-related terms, by the way), and hearing that you were a Stanford student too helps me identify with your story. I'm still trying to decide if BOSS is really worth the cost, pain, starvation, etc.

Also, I like what you say about being in the moment. I like to think the human mind is powerful enough for rudimentary time travel - that is, by concentrating your attention on the past or the future, you can make those times seem more real than the present. Our minds let us stretch out through time, so we kind of exist in a cloud of time centered on the present but stretching out into the past and future. This is in contrast to a simple feral animal, whose consciousness is like a hard ball wrapped tightly around the present moment, the here and now. I wonder what it would be like to be so focused on the present - to be unable to think about yesterday or tomorrow. I guess we can do that sometimes, when we're in a certain frame of mind, but to be unable to even imagine tomorrow... must be a fundamentally different existence for them.

george - Jun 11, 2008, 9:16a
Such a joy watching your conciousness unfold.

Thats what BOSS is about to me.

We ended with SOLO then about a 20 mi. run/walk in. Liked that, let you renter the world freesh in your own mind.

Nicky - Mar 30, 2009, 12:25p
you should write a book some day, you are a talented writer/ thinker

george - Jun 10, 2008, 6:56p
I love watching as you are discovering the truths of life.

One thing that you will never get clarity on until you recognize a human is different than the animals is your struggle in understanding.

Humans and animals are not equals.

we have conciousness, love, a soul with God's spirit.

I am not trying to invalidate what you are saying on animals, its just a bit more to true understanding, animals are not human, and vice versa.

I think you could come to a clearer understanding of this by spending a significant amount of time with animals. They act out of instincts. Look at the African species, they coexist right next to one another and know many will be eaten.

Is it wrong for the lion to eat the Gazelle?

crocodile to eat the Duck?

shark to eat everything it wants?

just some thoughts for you.

We are above the animals.

Tom - Feb 7, 2015, 2:08a
The only way humans survived and evolved into what we are now is by eating meat. Killing animals may feel wrong, but it was necessary for survival.

Tom O'Neil - Nov 15, 2017, 8:58a
As regards animals and murder here is the christian teaching on it:

The lower animals are created by God for the service of man.
The benefits we derive from the animals are these: They supply us with what is essential to life, e.g., food, clothing, etc.; they help us in our work, they cheer us by their amusing ways, their song, their beauty, etc. Some instruct us by their example; bees, for instance, incite us to industry, storks to filial affection, sheep to the practice of patience, etc. Moreover they all proclaim the omnipotence, the wisdom, the bounty of their Creator.

In our relations to animals it is our duty to care for their well-being, to refrain from tormenting them, not to kill any useful animal without a special reason, and finally not to treat them with exaggerated tenderness.
We ought to take care for the well-being of animals. “The just regardeth the lives of his beasts, but the bowels of the wicked are cruel” (Prov. xii. 10). Those who keep animals are bound to provide them with necessary food, to keep them clean, and in good condition. Our Lord says: “Not a sparrow shall fall on to- the ground without your Father” (Matt. x. 29). This should teach us to care for the welfare of animals. Some treat brute beasts as if they had no feeling, overtaxing their powers, beating them unmercifully, not giving them enough to eat, or depriving them of the one day of rest out of the week which the law of God ordains for them (Exod. xx. 8-11). Those who have to kill animals for the table, and medical men who make experiments with them, ought to be careful to cause them no needless suffering. It is not right, either in the interests of science or for the sake of amusement, to give pain that can be avoided. Wanton cruelty is to be condemned; so is the destruction of harmless or useful animals. Noxious insects and dangerous animals can of course be killed, but others that are not hurtful, but rather useful, should be spared. Finally, animals are not to be pampered and petted over much. There are people who make an idol of some pet animal, preferring it to their fellow-man, and devoting every thought to it. Such persons resemble the ancient Egyptians, who worshipped cats, calves, bulls, etc.

Men who are either cruel to animals or ridiculously fond of them, often are very hard-hearted towards their fellow-men.
Children who take pleasure in teasing animals torment men when they are grown up. All who were tyrants in after years, were cruel to animals in their youth. Criminals have sometimes confessed upon the scaffold that their course of crime began with torturing animals as children. On the other hand we often find people who pamper and show great affection for animals, utterly hard-hearted in regard to their neighbors.

Both extremes, cruelty to animals and foolish fondness for them, are at variance with the order that God has established in the universe.
To torture animals wantonly is an abuse of the sovereignty given to man by the Creator over the brute creation. Man thus becomes a tyrant. The Areopagus of Athens once condemned a child to death who was guilty of wanton cruelty to animals, for they judged that no good could be expected of one who, at a tender age, displayed such evil qualities. Exaggerated fondness and solicitude for animals is also a violation of the appointed order of nature.

Jon - Jan 2, 2008, 3:11p
will continuing to read this fantastic account spoil some of this if we opt to do it ourselves, or is it harmless?
thank you, by the way...

nikhil - Jan 2, 2008, 3:35p
Yeah, I should emphasize that this is a (virtually) unedited copy of my journal, so it will contain spoilers.

If you've already decided to do a BOSS field course, I would stop reading now. Mystery and surprise seem to be key elements of the experience. When I first decided to do this trip, I purposefully did not look for more info from previous students, because I wanted to go into it with as few expectations as possible. That said, each trip is different, so the details will certainly vary while the general activities remain the same.

If you're interested in survival school, or if you're curious about primitive living, or if you're considering doing a different (non-BOSS) survival school, I would certainly read on. If and when you decide to do this with BOSS, I would stop reading.

Random visitor - Jan 29, 2008, 3:57p
No offense, but what is the point of doing this camp? It just seems like a major pain.

nikhil - Jan 30, 2008, 1:23p
It's difficult to rationalize, even more difficult to try to persuade someone to do it.

Seems like you either feel the urge to go, or you don't.

george - Jun 10, 2008, 2:54p
love the journal, looking forward to reading on.
Must say a trip like this is a personal thing, borders on spiritual. i would say you could read on going or not. The surprises are going to come as you get to know yourself and your limits as you surpass them.
Been there , done that, lost the t-shirt. but never lost what BOSS gave me.

James M - Mar 18, 2015, 2:25p
Glad you came back and transcribed all the original journalling - Going to stop reading here because I plan to embark on this adventure this upcoming summer.

Will finish the read upon returning.

Hope all is well,

James

MattM - Jun 11, 2007, 11:32p
The fact that parents put their children on leashes may be less about their guilt and more about them poorly estimating their state after the loss of a child. Daniel Gilbert claims that we are quite bad at estimating this sort of thing and has data to back it up. Unfortunately, his book (Stumbling on Happiness) is not in amazon search within the book or google book search and I'm too lazy to find his references in the book by hand. The best quote on could find on the web was this one:

"We are not the field of fragile flowers that a century of therapists have made us out to be," he said. "We are remarkably resilient. . . . It isn't the case that life returns to normal and you get over the death of a child. But what it is, is that it is worth living again and that is something most of us cannot imagine.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/11/12/AR2006111200676.html

neha - Jun 12, 2007, 12:02p
good post. "I've recently realized that my anxiety was not due to my job, but that I put my anxiety into my job." That's a powerful realization.

I've been thinking about control a lot lately. I was reading _Stumbling on Happiness_. I went camping this weekend, and I was so paranoid about being prepared. I tried to account for every circumstance, all changes in weather, all possible activities. We think we have so much control over our lives, and that illusion often paralyzes us. Or distresses us. Causes us to take responsibility for events like we could have predicted their outcome. Something related to your thoughts on fear and guilt.

nikhil - Jun 12, 2007, 12:25p
yeah. that is *exactly* the feeling. it's a form of paralyzing paranoia.

heather - Jun 26, 2007, 3:05p
Good points. I also find that we (or at least I) can be tempted to take more responsibility than is really necessary, leading to more anxiousness. This is certainly true at work, and I imagine it's even more the case as a parent...maybe this is what leads to kids' lives getting massively overscheduled (eg "I must make sure my kid knows how to play piano/ swim/ etc so that he/she has a happy life.") But again, you can't control a child's future any more than you can anyone else's.

So many of the best experiences in life happen because we *weren't* prepared, and so we reacted quickly on gut instinct, rather than analyzing every option first.

harpo - Sep 25, 2007, 12:23p
I hear you Nikhil and I (think) am with you. Fear isn't just one thing however, in my opinion our minds and emotion do a variety of things that we call fear. You identified a lot of different things we blame fear for, but I think I should point out that some kind of fear is a natural defense mechanism that we NEED.

Other times we don't have the experience, information, motivation, interest, or time to confront or relieve a fear. An active fear of the unknown is reasonable, in generic terms. It is a reasonable defense that prevents us from doing unwise things all of the time. This I guess will depend on how you define "unwise". If you're open to losing your money, life, or reputation then perhaps fear is a detriment to you. However, if you're relatively carefree with those concerns and chose to live your life according to what is new and unfamiliar, then you are confronting the wisdom of our society, because it doesn't really know much about that. There's a new movie coming out with Sean Penn called "Into the Wild" about a real life account of a guy who abandoned all of his possessions and hitchhiked to Alaska to try to return to nature.

Consumer fear is one specialization of fear I am interested in unpacking, it's a unique set of problems that amounts to "mass fear" which is the most ignorant and terrible kind of fear. You wake up to realize your fears are unfounded, and what's worse, is that HAVE taken advantage of your fear to legal, political, or financial profit

Guilt Free Yoghurt - Nov 21, 2013, 11:58p
Thanks for posting this - read it at just the right time! Thanks.

But I think Far of Guilt (FOG) is even worse than you write about. Here's why...

The acts of self-censorship and restriction that Fear of Guilt (FOG) can drive us to, such as leashes on children, not looking at (or being able to speak with) people of the opposite sex, cause turmoil deep in our psyche.

Repressed natural activities will eventually turn bad and resurface in destructive ways...

This can turn ordinary people who have not even done anything wrong (are just fearful of being guilty) into angry and abusive people. It's a slippery slope.

It can manifest in marriages, partnerships, parenting, business... you name it.

Sometimes fear of guilt can end up making you do things you would not have done... things you really do need to hide! And then... you regret.

The sooner we let go and lift the FOG the better.

Love from,

Guilt Free Yoghurt

Anonymous - Nov 19, 2017, 11:06a
You are wrong, God alone is enough.

omar - Dec 1, 2006, 11:52a
so then why did you work your ass off in all those places? for me, i worked hard not because of some coherent, well-understood reason; i just did it because that was the value instilled in me from when i was little. it's much easier to work on automatic pilot, but eventually there comes a day of reckoning. i think i've had that day of reckoning, but now i feel very lost.

omar - Dec 1, 2006, 11:53a
ps: would you fix your damn blog so that when i click submit, it actually returns with success (as opposed to just sitting around submitting forever).

nikhil - Dec 1, 2006, 12:14p
yes! i know, it's annoying. after i finish my apps, it'll be fixed. for now, you can just reload the page and submit another comment - they'll both come through in the end. also, after you click the Submit button for a new comment, you can close the page - it'll still be published, you don't have to wait for it to time out.

also, i like working my ass off, but if i'm doing that for something i don't really want to do, then i need to justify it in some way. for me, the short-term goal (within 1-4 years) was sufficient, it seems.

jessica - Dec 3, 2006, 8:46p
i think you're still blessed with more naivete than you imagine...

Buzz - Dec 5, 2006, 11:54a
Well, I've observed that you're less naive than the vast majority of people I've encountered, and are more apt at recognizing what it is that you don't happen to know... but maybe that's just due to my own naivete

charles - Dec 25, 2006, 12:10p
Your thoughts on this subject are profoundly important and merit much more discussion. I've been poor, rich, poor again, and have always struggled with these issues. It's not about money, its about living a satisfying life. Not easy! Money is necessary, and more $$ is better than less. But what comes next?

charles - Dec 28, 2006, 3:43p
just wanted to say hi and i've learned how to bookmark your blog

Sachin - Jul 14, 2005, 9:43a
You can get the mp3 here:
http://www.wiredatom.com/jobs_stanford_speech/

Mahesh - Aug 24, 2005, 8:15a
This story is definetely inspiring. I was just browsing and came across your blog, and onto this article. Initially, i thought, it will be a boring one. But as i kept on reading, soem of the ones, touched me, and at one point, i almost felt like crying ( do not know why ), when he touched the death issue!.

Great one...
Mahesh.

John Yost - Oct 1, 2015, 7:41p
I sent a link to this page to a few friends.

I'm just going to write my thoughts here as I process this...

This speech touches so many chords with me. I've been fortunate to have the freedom to "trust my gut, destiny, life or whatever." I've led a life rich with experience, even if I have few possessions.

I am grateful for the opportunities in my life to really get to know people on a deep level. It never ceases to amaze me how not following your gut and trusting yourself crushes people's souls.

It's interesting how Jobs has what seemed to be an insatiable quest for knowledge. He was curious. I recently read how curious people are happier than others.

I also love how the "connect the dots" piece showed that all learning will somehow become useful at some point. There is joy in just learning for the sake of learning. And so interesting that those who can transfer knowledge find applications to what they've learned in such seemingly unrelated ways.

I believe that everything, good and bad, happens for a reason. life is a journey to become our best selves and we are given opportunities, sometimes in the form of success, and sometimes in the form of pain, that allow us to become the people we need to be to give our best selves to the world. It's interesting to me that Jobs had the mindset to look back and see that getting fired at Apple was the best thing that could have happened to him. And that single event has certainly made my life better.

His statement that you have to find what you love is so meaningful. It reminds me of so of Wayne Dyer's earlier books where he talks about a world where everyone just does what's in their heart... where people allow their personal gifts to envelope them and operate from there.

Probably the biggest thing I'll take from this is his quote that I wrote on my board "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" I absolutely love that. When I first read it, I was thinking "Sometimes I don't do what I'd do if today was the last day of my life. And it seems unrealistic to do that every day. But, his explanation about doing it too many days in a row makes it practical for me.

Truth be told, I'm very fortunate that as I look back on the last 15 years or so, and most of those days I HAVE lived as if they were my last... without even using that a criterion at the time. That's a pretty remarkable thing to say in retrospect.

I also loved his statement about having limited time to live, so don't waste it living it the way someone else wants you to. Besides unfaced fear, I believe this is the greatest human tragedy. It stifles so much love and joy in the world. We need to be allowed to live our life our way to fully live.

Oh boy, one more thing... the "Stay foolish" quote. Another great tragedy is thinking that there is something wrong with making mistakes. I read once a long time ago, I forget where now, that if you aren't making mistakes, you aren't pushing yourself hard enough. I try to push myself so I just start making mistakes, just beyond my limitations. I've found that my boundaries expand as yesterday's limits become today's possibilities.

I guess I like this speech so much because it validates so many of my personal beliefs. I live a very different life than most people, and I'm quite confident in the choices and sacrifices I've made, but it's still nice to have affirmation from someone so successful. Enjoy- John Yost

Interesting ideas interspersed with nonsense - RSS - by nikhil bhatla, nikhil@superfacts.org -

Category: Life